No one is going to give you a breakup manual. When it comes to relationships, there is a lot of advice out there. Your friends support you. The community blesses you. But when it falls apart? You’re on your own.
You will receive the usual condolences from wide-eyed relatives. It is socially acceptable to eat ice cream by the pint. Maybe you can even get that dramatic haircut. Or a tattoo you’ll regret in three years. In a few weeks, people will tolerate your meltdown. Then the patience wears off.
“Why does she still dress like she is heading to a Morrissey concert?” they whispered.
“Why can’t he stop texting her about the dishwasher in the middle of the night?”
It happens. The romance is gone. Then all that remains is silence.
The Cost of Quick Healing
The truth is that breakups are deeply personal. When your relationship with your closest soulmate suddenly ends, you may feel like your life is falling apart inside of you.
“A separation or divorce is a loss that you mourn,” says Suzanne Morgan, a relationship counselor at Counseling Associates for Wellbeing in Athens, Georgia. “It often affects self-esteem, identity and sometimes even a sense of security in the physical world.”
You will lose your partner. You lose relationships. But at the same time, they also lose their dreams. The imaginary life you planned with that person disappears.
Emotional healing takes time. It’s not immediate. But if you don’t have time to go through the slow and messy grieving process, there’s a new industry to fill the gap.
In order to fulfill this need, the Breakup boot camps were created. They promise to turn wallowing into action. They bring tangible progress. It makes me feel like I’m doing something productive instead of just staring at the ceiling.
This is big business
Renew Breakup Bootcamp Retreats are held in New York and California. Their website promises “scientific and spiritual approach to healing the heart.”
You can take a weekend vacation. You talk to a psychologist. You meet a life coach. Energy healers and tantra yoga instructors can help you process your trauma. You will be surrounded by others who are also struggling with the aftermath.
The price? Between $1,295 and $2,495 for the weekend.
If this is too much for your budget, there are other options. Subscribe to text messages from a \ for $9 per month. Or take our 30-day email course for $149.
Relationship columnist Amy Chan, founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, cites neuroscience, psychology, yoga, and energy healing. She claims to cover all your post-breakup bases.
Does a broken heart need that kind of firepower?
According to Chan’s website, Renew provides a safe space for women to heal from past wounds. It helps you rewire unhealthy patterns. Designed to inspire and empower you to help you move to the next stage in your life.
All of this happens over a long weekend.
Other programs claim to have similar formulas. One common approach uses a three-step process:
- Acknowledge your role in the breakup.
- I admit that you would be better off without that person.
- Accept that the relationship is over.
Can You Just Get Over It?
Is such a fuss necessary for something most of us experience at least once?
How severe is heartbreak on the scale of human trauma?
“People deal with all kinds of things during a breakup,” says Anna Belle Wood of Many Colors Counseling. She specializes in psychotherapy for women and the LGBTQ community. “Trauma is a subjective experience. You define it yourself. Trauma is characterized by a feeling of extreme helplessness and overwhelm.”
The loss of a close relationship can absolutely make you feel that way. Your specific situation matters. Wood helps customers regain control. He helps them find meaning in the past. He helps them regain hope for the future.
Perhaps the need for separation says more about our culture than the separation itself. We are used to needing extra help. We kept everything together until the end of the relationship. Then everything fell into our hands.
Eating well. Doing yoga. Talking to experts. These things are helpful. But unhealthy patterns can take a lifetime to heal. It rarely happens in a weekend.
“I personally think the idea of a boot camp sounds good,” Morgan said. “But I think of it as a way to step back and get help, or a jumping-off point into the recovery process.”
She cautions against expecting a quick fix. Breakups leave long-lasting scars. They generate negative beliefs. But they are also an opportunity to change the story.
This will not happen overnight. Needs work.
A difference can be a positive sign of growth. Indicates that the pattern is changing. This shows that you are no longer willing to accept unacceptable behavior.
You can get more information from Tamsen Fadal’s book The New Single: Finding Yourself, Healing and Falling in Love Again After a Breakup.
Here’s an interesting statistic to keep in mind. According to statistics, December 11th is the easiest day of the year to break up.
